As I write this, its been exactly one month since Adam and I made this thing official. We are married! We have signed on the dotted line, exchanged our vows, had a kickass honeymoon and returned to reality.
Before our wedding I had prepared myself for a bit of a wedding hangover the next day. Not one caused by too much Prosecco, but one caused by a full year of wedding planning being all over in a very short 24 hours. Friends had warned me of the sadness they felt when their wedding was officially over. The slight disappointment when things just didn’t feel any different. My way of combating these feelings have been to take note of any and all new experiences. Soak up any of the “newlywed” nuances and I think it has really helped! So below is my list of all the small (and big) changes I have noticed since we’ve been married:
Things that were once “ifs” have now become “whens”
I had always been very careful about planning too far ahead. You don’t want to scare your partner away by dropping the “when we…” bomb too soon. So, you always tread carefully, if’s are used instead of whens and some things are simply never assumed. Once you are married, you don’t have to be quite so careful. And let me tell you, I like it.
Your perception of commitment is altered, even if you thought you already knew what commitment is all about
Adam and I lived together for over two years before we became engaged. We had a joint bank account and expenses. I thought we had a pretty good handle on commitment and felt that we had already reached “ultimate commitment levels”. But I was wrong. Making things official, is all very… official! People say marriage is just a piece of paper and maybe it is to many people. Speaking for myself, I felt a shift.
Your definition of family changes
I always considered us to be very blessed in the family department. We both get along well with one anothers families and consider our siblings’ friends. I thought that we had reached maximum combined “familiness” but nope, I was wrong again. People’s attitudes altered, albeit subconsciously but they do. The hug might be a bit longer, the greeting may be a bit more loving or personal. You might get a phone call you normally wouldn’t or including in a conversation only for family. Very small but very lovely changes.
You want a home, not just a house or apartment
Adam and I love our current apartment, its filled with furniture we picked together and many wonderful memories. We got engaged in this apartment and I have always been very happy here. But we don’t own our apartment and that never bothered me, until we got married. Now, I can feel a major shift in our focus, wanting a home to call our own has swiftly moved up our unspoken priority list.
It’s now socially acceptable to tell someone that I am going to “speak to my husband” before making an important decision.
This is something I noticed almost immediately. When just dating and I wanted to get Adam’s opinion or talk through something with him, I always felt that I couldn’t tell people I was waiting to discuss it with him before making a decision. I felt as if I was breaking every feminist rule out there by wanting my boyfriends’ opinion. But, now that he is my husband, that’s 100% acceptable – no questions asked, no raised eyebrow.
All of a sudden, the idea of starting a family becomes slightly more acceptable to us, selfish late 20-year-olds
Before we were married, having kids was so far down our to-do list and it still is, for the most part. The one thing that has changed is our willingness to consider them in decisions that could affect our future.
But, people assume you will have kids very soon
We were warned about this, and it is very very true. People just assume its next up on your to-do list. People, stop asking newlyweds when they are having kids – it is none of your business and maybe the answer is never!
I think that at the end of the day what I really wanted was to continue to feel all the love, happiness and excitement that we experienced for the 12 months of our engagement and wedding planning. I think that is what everyone misses once it is all said done.
When we are little, dreaming of our wedding day, our dreams never stretch to the day, or month or even year after our wedding. The wedding is the goal – and that’s where we go wrong. The goal should be our happily ever after, acknowledging every day the privilege of sharing our lives with the one you love.